Open any social media app, and what do you see?
Happy faces!
Everyone looks so pleased with their life, and everything looks perfect!
Then we look at our lives…
- Maid didn’t turn up — I have so much to do!
- Child didn’t score good marks — stress for the entire family!
- Breakup — sadness.
- Didn’t get invited to a party — disappointment.
- Unable to lose weight — frustration!
First thought in our minds — my life sucks! Everyone else seems to have it all!
And when you discuss your disappointment or sadness with another person, they tell you —
- Be positive!
- Look at the brighter side!
- You shouldn’t get upset over such minor things, etc., etc.
When you look at motivational videos for relief, you see things like…
- It is easy to be happy!
- Forgive the person who did something wrong to you for your peace.
- Meditate.
- Let go, etc.
And all this advice only increases our stress because none of it is possible when we are down in the dumps and feeling really low. But unfortunately, there is so much stress about positivity and happiness at all times that we feel guilty when we feel low.
We are told to learn from our failures and move on, or if someone hurts us, we should forgive them, etc.
When we find it difficult to do these, we feel worse than how we felt initially because we think, perhaps we are inferior to others who are happy all the time!
We feel that others have discovered the secret to happiness, which we cannot seem to find, and that is why we get upset over “trivial issues.”
Reality
- Firstly, the happy faces that we see on social media are the highlight reels of those people’s lives. They also have difficulties and struggles but don’t display them or talk about them. We see only the best side of their lives and feel our lives are worthless.
- The next important point is that it doesn’t matter if others are happy. It is their life, and your life is different. Each of us is on a unique journey and has our share of joys and sorrows. We should focus on our lives and not theirs.
- Others will advise based on how they perceive your situation. What may seem trivial to someone else may not be trivial for you! It could be taking up a lot of your mental energy. So, it is better not to get carried away by someone else’s advice. Your sorrow is yours, and you have to deal with it.
- Feeling sad, upset, frustrated, or depressed is normal because it is impossible to be happy all the time. These emotions make us human. The only way to overcome these emotions is by accepting that we feel them.
Much as we would like to be happy or positive all the time, it is not possible because life happens! There are ups and downs, and we have to deal with them. We need to fight our own battles. But the first step is to acknowledge that they exist, that we feel them, instead of living in denial.
Many of us try to brush these feelings aside and tell ourselves that we are not sad. This approach makes it harder to overcome grief. However, we should not let grief last for too long because it can lead to mental health issues like depression.
So what can we do?
First, don’t feel ashamed if you are feeling low. It is OK to feel this way. Be compassionate to yourself like you would comfort a friend.
Stay away from social media for some time. You don’t need to look at how perfect everyone else’s life is when you are upset.
Divert your mind by watching something light, like a comedy show, etc., instead of discussing the problem with others.
Physical activities like the gym or walking are uplifting.
Going outdoors to a mall or for a meal also helps to de-stress.
If you have someone in your life who genuinely cares for you and is willing to listen without giving advice, you are lucky. They are the people you can go to at such times!
I have found journalling extremely effective in overcoming low feelings. Write down that “I am feeling sad.” Also, list the reasons for the low feelings.
Look at each one and see what you can do about them. You will find you have solutions for most of your problems. However, you may not have solutions to all of them.
Tackle the problems for which you have the solutions and leave the rest. Take one issue at a time, resolve it, and move on to the next.
As you solve one problem after another, you will feel more positive and confident, and addressing other issues becomes easier.
If after trying this, you find that you are still struggling, don’t neglect it. You can consult a life coach or a psychotherapist depending on the severity of the situation.
At this point, I would like to remind you that time is the best healer!
This blog comes from a recent personal experience!
I am a Toastmaster, and I participated in a humorous speech contest. I was very happy with my performance, and felt it was my best speech to date. I was confident I would win.
However, I was shocked to be declared the first runner-up. This meant that I didn’t qualify for the next round of the contest. I was heartbroken, and I couldn’t hide my disappointment. When I said I was sad I lost, many people were shocked!
They said things like, “Why should you be sad? You have got second place”
The fact is, I know that this loss is inconsequential in my life. I have lost many contests before this. But this was different!
It was my best performance, and I lost. This meant I could never win again because I didn’t know how to do better. Another factor that added to my grief was that I did not qualify for the next round. This was the first time that I was eliminated in the very first round.
I realized no one else could understand what I was going through. To everyone else, it was just losing a contest — a trivial thing!
To me, it was much more than that, and it was impossible to put on a mask of happiness and “feeling good” for the winner. I didn’t know what just happened. How could I lose?
But with time, I could overcome this because my life is not just about Toastmasters. There are several other things to worry about.
I finally recovered from this frustration when I watched a humorous speech contest at another club. Speeches of other contestants revealed where I had fallen short and where the winner was better than me. I got closure, and now I know how to improve my speech next time. I hardly worry about this now!
Final Words
Low feelings like sadness, grief, frustration, etc., are normal. They are natural feelings we experience when things don’t work out as planned, or when people let us down, or when we feel betrayed. We can’t change people or our circumstances; we can feel hurt by what has happened, and it is OK. The good news is that recovery is possible if we don’t allow the grief to overwhelm us and we proactively look for ways to comfort ourselves and find solutions.
PS: Next time someone tells you that they are feeling sad/low, don’t tell them to “Be positive!”